I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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