I wish I could punch you in the face.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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