3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
