I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is Oprah even human
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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