AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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