we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
