ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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