I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
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I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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