everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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