fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
