I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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