They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
