I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
