She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
