Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Come on in and take your pants off
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