k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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