dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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