Where did you get a picture of my penis
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
