i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
