life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
