So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
