Tell her she can't have a vagina
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
