Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
