i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
