I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
