i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
