so explain again why im purple
no
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
