mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
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Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize