you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
