God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
