Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
