For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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