so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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