Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
