Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
