I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
