About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
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They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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