awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
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