So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
