ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
