I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize