from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
