I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
