i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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