Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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