What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
