where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
