apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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