buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
