I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
