we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
