Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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