he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
