I can text with my tongue
my vag is so smooth its legendary
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
