Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
