we'll go far in life on tits alone.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
