A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
