Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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