It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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