His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
