4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
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This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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